"A desire for power that strips you of all power.
A gesture of strength that divests you of all strength."
Name: Kate
Age: 20
Height: 5'10
HW: 160
CW: 100
Progress Blog: slenderstudyprogress.tumblr.com
Message me if you want the password.
The rich part of this story is this: when I was at my lowest weight and deep in my anorexia, I tried to buy a pair of jeans from this exact store. I needed a 00. They sent me to another store in London because they didn’t have any in stock. I walked to the next store and bought the last, and only, pair in that size.
wtaf, Gap.
(click the picture for the article)
Starting to feel hopeless. I’m dropping out of intensive treatment - I just can’t handle it anymore. I’m still going to see my outpatient team members but I really don’t know how much longer I can fake this.
I’m so lost. At least I felt like I had something when I was using my eating disorder. Now I just feel like I have nothing.
I have a month before I go back to school. Huh. I honestly can’t tell you what will happen then.
I’ve decided to start journaling during treatment. I set up another tumblr, specifically for “recovery.” It’s probably just going to be me rambling, figuring out my life story, etc.
If you want to check up on me there, here’s the address: http://pullingoutroots.tumblr.com
This.
(Source: confessionsabouteatingdisorders)
Spent two weeks being shuffled from doctors’ offices to hospitals. Ten weeks in residential inpatient treatment. Four weeks in intensive day treatment. Now I’m starting intensive outpatient treatment, which will last eight(ish) weeks.
And in September I have to return to school and pretend everything is okay.
(whatthefuckisgoingon)
happynessinajar asked: hello honeybee,
i just wanted to tell you, you are fucking amazing and beautiful.
congrats on the weight goal.
always here to talk to if you need
♥
Thank you so much!
Anonymous asked: Will chewing and spitting make me gain weight? i don't do it all the time, just when I eat sweets and stuff, so it's not like I'm totally starving myself...
I honestly don’t know, sorry.
I chew and spit occasionally but I’ve cut back on that habit significantly in the last couple months.
(Source: confessionsabouteatingdisorders)
So tired of being poked and prodded. Had another round of tests done yesterday and a bunch of labs so I can send them off to the facility where I’ll be at.
Parents driving me crazy. I’m going crazy. I feel like I’m eating so much but my weight has been staying at 100 for the past week, so that’s good. I know I should work on getting it up…I just keep having anxiety attacks at meals. My brain is like split in two right now. Part of me is exhausted and wishes I never had asked for help and the other half knows I have to keep on fighting…this disease has taken over my life in every way imaginable and I need to win my life back.
Had a greek yogurt for breakfast (80 calories) and a 1/2 an apple (40 calories). Then around 11:30 I have a 100-calories oatmeal. My parents are eating lunch right now so I might go down in a bit. Ugh, I’m just so emotionally unstable right now…being around food just sets my heart racing and I feel like I’m going to cry.
Alright, done rambling. Sorry.
Recovery.
Parents have basically taken 20 years off my life and are controlling every little goddamn thing I do. I’ve seen so many doctors, spent an entire day in the ER, rehashed my story to various psychologists. I go into a facility next Friday up in St. Paul. Oh, and did I mention I have to go into inpatient? Which means I have to take a term off. Which, you know, was pretty fucking upsetting.
I’m going crazy.
99.0 fucking pounds.
That’s what the scale read when I stepped on it today. Oh my fucking god. I’m in the two-digits. This is insane. I actually need to get my weight up before I go to the doctor or they will shit on me. Fuuuuuck.
(Source: confessionsabouteatingdisorders)
